The third child effect - Suburban Shalom

{This is an updated post I originally wrote when the Toddler was just a few months old…}

When we welcomed our firstborn into our life eight years ago, we were your typical helicopter parents. We monitored her every move. We used hand sanitizer religiously. If her pacifier hit the floor, we sterilized it. All of her clothes and blankets were carefully laundered with Dreft. I set my alarm to check on her breathing at night, {a measure which turned out to be unnecessary since she never slept more than two hours at a time, but I always set it… “just in case”}. I rode in the backseat of the car with her in case she needed me. We listened to classical lullaby CD’s at nap times and bedtime. We covered her carseat with a blanket when we were in crowds lest someone breathe on her. She had socks and bibs for every occasion, and we never left home without an arsenal of supplies ranging from gas relief drops to diaper rash cream. We were attentive, conscientious parents. And, we were proud of it.

Fast-forward to baby number three.

It was not uncommon for the Toddler to find herself in predicaments like this one.

Not only is the bib covering her face, but you’ll also notice that her little arm is trapped under the Boppy pillow. And, one can only guess how long she had been in this helpless state.

I allowed things like this to happen to her in her sleep.

And, many times she found herself at the mercy of her caregivers, ages 3 and 4, who were especially fond of poking, prodding, and performing makeovers.

Instead of taking the third child to a real photography studio {where they use professional lighting and have actual camera skills} for her three, six and nine month old pictures, I decided I could do just as well at home. And, so we have wide-eyed pictures like this one because she was nervous about being precariously balanced on a chair.

Instead of giving her baby toys to play with, we just handed her the Sunday paper or a box of wipes.

Rather than panicking when she ate toilet paper or tried to surf in her rocking chair, we took pictures.

Even still, these days I find myself telling the older two when the Toddler is upset, “Whatever she wants, just give it to her!” … Is this wise? No. But, does it keep the peace? Yes, yes it does.

What has happened to us?

I’ll tell you what has happened. We moved from man-to-man to zone defense. Once we became outnumbered, our focus had to shift from the minutia to the major. The questions changed from things like, “Is that organic milk?” to more important matters like, “Did we remember to pack all the children?”

So, last week when I saw this chart on the internets I thought it was both entertaining and TRUE.

{from amotherfarfromhome.com}

I’ve moved into that third category.

For a high strung person like myself, it may actually be a good thing to have to learn to let a few things go. Honestly, having three children has helped me prioritize better, albeit out of pure necessity. I just hope this shift doesn’t cause emotional harm to anyone.

I also hope that adding a dog to the mix doesn’t require an additional category on the chart because Rosie is a lot like a child, even down to her need for a lovie.

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