Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back everything is different..
~ CS Lewis ~
I have a picture on the nightstand beside my bed of the Spouse and me from October of 2004. I don’t really look at the picture often, but I like knowing that it’s there because of what it represents. We were in Boston where we would become engaged, and we’re standing in front of Fenway Park. The whole city was buzzing with energy that October because the Red Sox were in the playoffs {and would go on to break the “Curse of the Bambino” and win the World Series that year}. It was an exciting, beautiful time to be in the Northeast.
Now that my brother and sister-in-law are living in the Cambridge area, I stopped to look at the frame more closely last week noticing the street scenery behind us and trying to remember details about that trip. While I was studying the picture I couldn’t help but notice how different the Spouse and I looked back then. We were in our mid twenties and felt like the world was ours to enjoy.
Our skin was tight and youthful.
We were well rested.
Our hair was thick and full.
We could go anywhere and do anything in that city. We ate at nice restaurants and took ferry rides to coffee shops and bookstores. We bounced from Fenway Park to Harvard Square using the subway with ease. We basked in our freedom and the possibilities that laid before us. Our biggest concerns were matters like what month we should get married and what color of paint would be the best neutral for our future condo.
We could stage that same picture on that same street in October of 2015, only we would look quite different at close inspection.
We have crow’s feet and smile lines.
We have tired eyes from years of sleep deprivation.
My hair has lost its volume.
Though the picture wouldn’t show it, I have varicose veins where smooth skin used to be.
These days fast casual restaurants are our go-to, and we avoid quiet, quaint places like coffee shops. Our bookstore visits usually center around a train table. We would be a total circus trying to navigate Boston’s mass transit systems with our crew. And, a ferry ride would be nerve-wracking with the Preschooler’s tendency to flirt with danger and play on railings. Our biggest concerns now center around the lives of three people we couldn’t have dreamed up in 2004.
Of course, I wish my skin was still smooth and my hair was still as healthy as it might have been eleven years ago. But, I wouldn’t want to go back to that version of me ~ or of us ~ for anything.
I think we know ourselves a little better now. We’re more sure of who we are and more aware of who we are not. We haven’t fully arrived, and may never, at total maturity. But, we appreciate each other more profoundly and mutually love three girls in a way that unites us more than anything else in the world ever could. We may not be much wiser, but I think we’re deeper people now… if that’s something people can become.
Every year around this time I try to schedule our annual medical visits, from dental checkups and physicals to eye doctor and dermatology appointments. And, I’m always reminded at these visits how with each passing year our bodies require a bit more maintenance. Now we discuss age-reversing procedures and cosmetic concerns as much as we discuss basic health issues. We’re at the front end of mid-life issues that present a whole new set of challenges and opportunities {botox injections, teeth whitening procedures, Lasix, laser vein surgery, vitamin supplement regimens, etc}.
Whether I sign up for any of the above-mentioned services {all of which I’m a good candidate for receiving}, I want to remember to be grateful for the side effects of the life we’re living.
I completely blame these people for many of the ways I’ve aged this past decade.
But I wouldn’t trade them for the world.
I fear we would be boring, visiting our coffee shops and bookstores, without them.
Last weekend we went in an Orvis store where the 3rd Grader accidentally doused herself in pine-scented air freshener thinking it was perfume. She, and our whole vehicle, smelled like a forest for several hours. {It’s a very effective product if you’re in the market for an outdoorsy room scent}.
Sure, I could have had a more peaceful shopping experience. But, in my most reflective moments, which are few and far between, I know things like that mishap are the salt of life. I may not remember anything else about our outing, but I won’t forget that smell.
So, I can look at that bedside picture from 2004 and long for the more youthful skin and energy. But, I also thank God for the years between then and now knowing that some things in life are well worth the lost sleep and fine lines they bring with them.
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