Today marks our fifteenth wedding anniversary. The weather outside looks and feels strangely similar to what it was like on June 18, 2005 — partly sunny and unseasonably cool for mid-June in the South. When I look back at pictures I can remember a number of little details about that day, things like the smell of our spray tans and the taste of the raspberry filling in our cake. The song that played for my first and last dance with my Dad. The feeling of wet bubbles popping on our cheeks as we ran down the hotel steps and into our getaway car. It simultaneously feels like yesterday and a lifetime ago.
I don’t know that there’s any particular Hallmark significance to the fifteen year mark in the way there is for ten, twenty-five, or fifty wedded years. But I believe every year of a marriage is a milestone worth acknowledging and celebrating. And ever so often it seems like pausing to remember how far we’ve come — whether that be in marriage, in parenting, or simply in life in general — is a catalyst to keep moving forward with gratitude and hope.
One of my earliest and favorite memories of our married life happened just a few days after our wedding. The last stop of our honeymoon was at a Westin in downtown Atlanta. When K was booking the hotel he thought it would be fun to get a themed room and surprise me. What a great idea! But the theme he chose was… fitness!?! To this day, this decision remains one of the great mysteries of our marriage. I have never before or since seen a treadmill as large at the one that sat beside our hotel bed. Rather than being decorated with romantic rose petals and chocolates, our room came complete with free weights and exercise balls. Instead of sparkling wine we had Evian water bottles. I’ve always been high-strung, but “fitness buff” is a title I’ve never earned. The whole situation was endlessly amusing.
Looking back now, I think the Lord knew we would need to start our marriage off with a good bit of humor. Four months and one week into our new life my dad died suddenly. On that October day we abruptly switched gears when we went from being newlyweds to being a crisis management team. On the night Dad passed away I sent K to our condo to gather up our things so we could spend the night at my mom’s house. Then I took half a sleeping pill and feel into such a deep sleep that I never heard my phone ring when he called to tell me we had locked him out of the house. This kind of clumsiness and fumbling around in the dark characterized that entire season of grief and growth. We didn’t know what we were doing. But we were doing it together.
If that season of loss and its repercussions didn’t age us, having three daughters in a span of four and a half years surely did. What were we thinking? I’m not sure. But I do know we weren’t sleeping, traveling, or having any candlelight conversations. We lived in a sort of survival mode for seven or eight straight years. We shared bottle cleaning and diaper changing duties as we chased and tended to kids day and night. He worked a lot. I fussed a lot. The girls grew a lot. I’m not sure how we got through that season with our mental faculties still in tact. But we did it together.
These past five years have been a whirlwind of a different sort. We’ve moved on from the days of rocking babies and wrangling toddlers and have barely entered the tumultuous waters of parenting tweens and teens. We still don’t sleep well but for different reasons now. Our conversations are often late at night or in the early morning as we discuss school work and schedules and sometimes still dream about how we could be doing life better. We’re thankful for laughter and weekends and occasional date nights. We’re in over our heads with parenting and we know it, which is why we’re continuously grateful for a shared faith and a trusted counselor who intermittently hears us out and helps us recenter. We’re often worn out and distracted by the demands of this life stage. But we’re doing it together.
I can’t write about years we haven’t yet lived. I’m certain there are both joys and challenges ahead. All I know is that I’m even more confident today than I was fifteen years ago that, by His grace, we’ll keep doing it together.
Hand in hand. Till we’re old and gray.
And that’s how it’s done!
These are fascinating facts to remember! I remember your wedding, and your dancing with your Dad. I bet he took lessons, just to look good, because dancing doesn’t come easy for most men==they have two left feet…. ha ha But he would do that for you. I remember the lines were long and food was great. It seems the Guys that go through a line think it is their duty to pile their plates as high as possible! ha ha! But the Wedding and Reception were fabulous! I believe they call it the Crowne Hotel now. I can’t remember what it was called back then, but I remember they used to have great Friday night Seafood Buffets, which we loved…I think the fitness theme was hilarious!
I think you have it altogether. I am sure you will make it many more years