Besides toilet paper, do you know what flew off the shelves in 2020? Joggers or any sort of elastic-waisted sweatpants. Why is this? Partly because many of us had an option to ditch the suits and work from home. But it may also be that we collectively turned to comfort clothes because when we’re anxious, disoriented, and out of sorts, we want something that feels cozy and familiar. We reach for things that feel like home.
As wonderful as soft, stretchy pants can be, I think it’s even more important to have friendships that feel like sweatpants. By this I mean we need friends in whose presence we can fully relax and be our truest selves. We need friends who lower our anxiety with their presence and attention. Surely we need at least one or a few friends who feel like home.
This past weekend my oldest was in a dance recital. Because of COVID restrictions, tickets and seating were limited. But one of my daughter’s friends wanted to surprise her by being there for this final performance of the season, so we found some last-minute tickets and this sweet friend sat through 24 dances (2.5 hours) to witness the 3 pieces (11 minutes) she was in. At the end of the recital when our tired dancer rounded the corner of the steps to find us walking down from the balcony, she saw not only her family who had to be there but also her friend who chose to be there. And she burst into tears at the sight of this surprise.
It has been a long year. We have some big changes on the horizon, and the comfort and respite of friendship means more to all of us than it ever has before.
One of my favorite passages in the Bible is Matthew 11:28-30 where Jesus himself describes the kind of rest he provides us. I especially like how it reads in The Message:
Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest.
Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.
Of course, no one other than Jesus can provide lasting rest for our souls. But I think God designed friendship to be a source of physical, emotional, mental, and even spiritual rest for us. When we act as deep-spirited friends to each other, we become agents of his grace. We help each other stay the course when we’re weary or misguided. We bear witness to one another’s highs and lows, to the faith and foolishness we vacillate between. And by sharing our laughter and tears, our hopes and fears, we spur each other on and lighten each other’s load.
Not all friendships are made for time and depth. Some are seasonal, some are shallow, some are built around common interests or affiliations (work, team sports, hobbies). What matters is that we nurture at least a few that become the deep-spirited, refreshing kind—the sort of relationships that are a reliable source of warmth when the world feels cold. The un-jealous kind that sit in comfortable silence and weather distance and distraction. We need some friendships that feel as familiar and safe as our favorite pair of sweatpants on a cool, rainy day.
Beth Moore has said: “If you’ve got a few people to love and a few who love you, a few who make you laugh, think and discuss instead of cuss, who grow you and improve you because they’re not like you, who make food taste better and life less bitter, you’re rich indeed. Only takes a few to make up for a lot.”
I want my girls to know the truth of that statement. How worth it is to find and nurture soft, but strong friendships. Those will take us further than the best sweatpants money can buy.
“Friendship,” said Christopher Robin,
“is a very comforting thing to have.”
(A.A. Milne)
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