Tantrums, techniques, and tiny teachers…

The Spouse and I have long known that our girls are “spirited” and that parenting them well would require some extra patience and perseverance on our part (along with a library of resources on the subject). So, I feel like we know when to expect many of the challenges that arise with them, and we are very slowly acquiring some skills of our own to better deal with their wills and ways.

As an example of a technique I’m working on, I have finally learned not to ask the Preschooler questions like, “What would you like for breakfast?” (as if I’m a short order cook at the Waffle House), but rather to say, “Would you like Cheerios or oatmeal today?” Similarly, I can ask things like, “Do you want to get in the car yourself, or do you want me to help you get in your seat?” Generally, choices work well. And, the Preschooler seems to be responding well to this type of reasoning, especially on days when I have the stamina and patience to be consistent.

But, then there’s the Toddler.  And, at age 2.5, she remains completely unreasonable. This is just a sampling of what could goes on with her on an average day…

• She’ll randomly (and without warning) decide she’s having a craving for M&M’s. This may happen before, during, or after meals. When her demand for “choc-o-LOT!” is not immediately met, she’ll resort to throwing a full-blown tantrum whether we are here at home, in the check-out line at Target, or in the parking lot of her sister’s dance class.  Still socially unaware, her temper knows no bounds.  

• She’ll be eating lunch (or dinner) and realize that it’s much more fun to feel her yogurt than eat her yogurt. So, she’ll slowly turn her head to the side to create a diversion, and sneak her hand deep into the yogurt container. When she subsequently loses her yogurt eating privileges, she’ll become enraged and silently begin squeezing each of her grapes into a wine-ready liquid state.  When her grapes are confiscated, she’ll throw her remaining food in the floor with one intentional flail of her arm.

• She’ll be playing Play-doh at her table and suddenly decide that she’s not pleased with the way her dough is molding. So, she’ll throw the Play-doh roller directly at her sister’s head. Fortunately, her aim is bad. However, said sister senses that a random act of violence has been committed against her, overreacts herself, and a fight ensues.

• She’ll want my phone. Unbeknownst to me, my failure to respond to her request will anger her into a state of silent furor. In order to regain my attention, she’ll pull a chair over hoping that the sudden, loud noise will elicit a reaction. Instead, the chair lands on her toe, severely bruising it, and resulting in a woefully sad scene and a black “big” toe. She’ll sob, “My toe! My toe!” for thirty minutes.

• She’ll want to exert some independence and put on her own socks. When she realizes she can’t make the elastic stretch to the right width to go over her toes and slide on her foot correctly, she’ll use the sock to gag herself.

How does the wise parent reason with this?  I, for one, have no idea.

But, I find great encouragement in the words of Gary Thomas in Sacred Parenting:

We live in the midst of holy teachers.  Sometimes they spit up on themselves or on us.  Sometimes they throw tantrums.  Sometimes they cuddle us and kiss us and love us.  In the good and the bad they mold our hearts, shape our souls, and invite us to experience God in newer and deeper ways.  

Yes, sometimes they throw tantrums.  And, sometimes they gag themselves.  But, always they are teaching us and molding us and stretching us (and their socks) into something better than we were before.