When I pick the girls up from preschool now I usually get a full report on how the Toddler has done that day. She’s still in what I would call the adjustment phase with transitioning to the 3-year old class, so there’s always something to report.
Yesterday, though, was a significant day because it marks yet another one of those moments when I realize just how different siblings can be. The Preschooler is undoubtedly strong-willed and passionate and quite capable of being a handful at home in terms of discipline and obedience. But, maybe because she’s a first-born, she has a natural tendency to respect authority {outside of our house} and a general desire to please her teachers in a setting like church or preschool. She’s really a bit shy in a group and unlikely to cause a disturbance.
The same, however, cannot be said of the Toddler.
My conversation with her Lunch Friends teacher went something like this yesterday:
The Teacher: She had a great morning today! And, she ate her lunch!
Me: Really? That’s good to hear.
The Teacher: Her afternoon was a little rough, though.
Me: Oh, no. How so?
The Teacher: Well, she had to spend some time in timeout. She told another little girl that she didn’t like her ponytail. So, we talked about how it’s OK not to like something but how we don’t have to express those opinions. And, she had some trouble sharing today with a little boy she was playing with. When we asked her to share the toy, she threw it at him.
Me: Oh, dear. I was wondering if she would act this way at school because she’s going through a little phase at home. {actually she’s been in this “little phase” for about a year and a half, but I didn’t get into specifics}
The Teacher: I think maybe she just gets tired.
Me: I don’t know what I’m going to do with her.
The Teacher: Well, just keep loving on her.
Now, that’s gracious. And, that’s why I love her preschool and its staff. They are ever-optimistic and encouraging. And, they love the children they serve.
Here’s the thing, though. Knowing the Toddler as I do… I think what we have going on at preschool {and at home} is one part tiredness {who wouldn’t be exhausted after all that meanness}…
… and one part attitude. And, she’s got a lot of the latter right now. Honestly, I don’t know what to do with it.
She had actually told me at home on Tuesday that she didn’t like this one little girl’s ponytail {I’m not sure why she concerns herself with the hairstyles of her classmates, but she does}, and I had warned her that she need not share that opinion with anyone else. Clearly, she didn’t heed my advice.
And, of course, she knows better than to throw a toy at someone. She has learned to hold her own when it comes to sharing by way of some serious sibling rivalry at home, but I was hoping she would be gentle and kind when faced with these situations with strangers and friends. I don’t know exactly what toy she threw at her victim, but I just hope it wasn’t a large dump truck or some other weighty object because she has remarkable aim and strength when she’s mad.
Here are the questions I’m asking myself today… what if she continues to do things like this at school? What am I doing or not doing at home to foster this spunk? What if introducing a new baby in a few weeks worsens this type of behavior? {Lord, help us. And, that’s a real prayer.} What if I’ve created a “mean girl”… at the tender age of three? What will I ever do when the Toddler and the Preschooler grow into Teenager 1 and Teenager 2 and I have to break up real fights?
I’ll take full responsibility for passing stubbornness, temper, and a little attitude onto my offspring, but I did not throw toys {at others} at school. Nor did I verbalize critical opinions about the hairstyles of my classmates.
Maybe the Spouse was a bully as a child… I better check his history.
In the meantime, if you have any suggestions for steering toddlers toward a more pleasant disposition, I’m all ears to hear them and all eyes to read them!
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