Last week I went to a consultation with a nurse at a vein clinic. When I had three children in a span of 4.5 years, the veins in my legs staged a revolt. Unlike the spider veins my grandmothers had, I developed more bulging varicose veins that I keep trying to ignore. But they swell and tingle and bother me more each season. Also, they’re a cosmetic issue. Not long ago, I put on a pair of shorts and asked my oldest daughter how they looked. She said, “Oh, those are cute. Now all you need is a spray tan and vein surgery, and you’ll be set!”
On a side note… one of the many benefits of having teen and pre-teen daughters is that you no longer need mirrors in your home. You can simply walk into the kitchen and receive instant feedback on your clothing, hairstyle, and appearance. It’s like living on the set of What Not to Wear.
Anyway, when I talked with the nurse at the consultation last week she explained the treatment process and the types of procedures the doctor might recommend. Everything was sounding fine until she mentioned that they perform all of the procedures in-office using only a local anesthetic. They simply prescribe Valium or Xanax ahead of the appointment to “take the edge off.”
And that’s where I become indecisive about this whole situation. I take a Valium on the rare occasions when I fly. But I am still completely aware that I’m in the air, in a plane, and traveling across the country. I didn’t inherit an ounce of my parents’ comfort around blood and needles. So I feel like I need to be more than a little sleepy while someone uses special tools and catheters to hook and collapse the veins in my leg. I’d prefer to be unaware of who I am or where I am for that part of the procedure. So I’m still trying to summon the courage to go forward with this treatment plan.
No matter what I decide to do, I did learn something new about our veins at that consultation. The nurse has a folder with a diagram in it that shows how all of the surface level veins in our legs are connected to a deeper, main vein called the saphenous vein. So whether you have spider veins or varicose veins, the issue isn’t skin deep. It’s always traceable to something happening deeper inside the leg. Of course they can treat many of the cosmetic issues with laser therapies and compression socks. And airbrush or tanning products and even certain exercises can minimize the appearance of veins temporarily. But if you want a better and more permanent solution, you have to be willing to commit more time to treatment and allow them to do deeper work.
When I think about it, I want a quick fix to more than just my legs. I look for the easy way to do everything from maintaining fitness to fixing dinner. And this is especially true in the area of my spiritual life. My attention span is growing shorter every year. Maybe smartphones and social media are partly to blame. But I substitute screenshots and sound bites for deep study these days. I’d rather listen to a short podcast or watch a quick video than read a whole book. It’s easier to memorize a short verse or a mantra than it is to do a deep dive into a book of the Bible. I’m in a hurry to be fit, fed, and faithful.
But I know better. Lasting change and real growth doesn’t happen quickly or at surface level. It requires slow, deep work. It calls for solitude, study, and Sabbath-keeping. It means putting the phone down more often and listening longer.
Dallas Willard famously said: “Hurry is the great enemy of the spiritual life in our day. You must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.”
And I sigh as I think about this because I know it’s true. Hurry is a friendly but fierce enemy.
I’m not sure what I’m going to do about the veins in my legs. Maybe I’ll take a Valium and a deep breath and begin the long process toward healthier veins. But I do know I need to slow down in the other areas of life and stop settling for quick fixes and shallow water. To start, I need to hurry less.
I love how Eugene Peterson describes an unhurried life:
“Are you tired? Worn out, burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me. Watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
Matthew 11:28-30, The Message
“Freely and lightly.” That sounds like good therapy for veiny legs… and weary souls.
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