The Proverbs 15.5 Woman… and counting?

A few nights ago I did something I’ve never done before. I “hemmed” a pair of pants. Of course, I didn’t actually cut any fabric or use thread and needle, but I carefully placed no-sew iron-on adhesive to the inside of a pair of spring slacks to make them appear hemmed. And, for someone with my lack of skills in the sewing and/or fabric crafting department, I would equate this accomplishment to making my own dress. It felt that hard. So, you can imagine the pride…

Me: Look! I just hemmed a pair of pants. I’ll probably start making our clothes next. It’s like I’m the Proverbs 31 woman.

The Spouse: No, you don’t get up early enough. You don’t even like the mornings. And, the Proverbs 31 woman gets up really early in the morning and fixes breakfast for her family.

Me: OK… Let’s not act like you know the Proverbs 31 woman personally.

The Spouse: Oh, I don’t know her personally. I definitely don’t know her personally.

And, then he laughed and laughed at his hilarious self.

Now, here’s what I have to say about that.

The Proverbs 31 woman has always been problematic… and for good reason. She makes us all look terrible. I mean, what can’t she do? In addition to cooking, cleaning, sewing, gardening, real estate investing, bartering, feeding the hungry, instructing her children, and encouraging her husband… the woman doesn’t seem to require sleep. And after she slaves away all day and well into the night, she still dresses well and maintains a great sense of humor. She’s selfless and sincere, resourceful and respected. She’s an entrepreneur, a devoted wife, and a beloved mother. She {really} has it all together. Who is this woman?

{On an important side note… where is the Proverbs 31 man? Pure speculation, but I bet he’s busy building his house from the ground up, farming his own land, slaughtering wild beasts for dinner every night, serving on city council, writing Bible studies, volunteering at the shelter, making brilliant investments, coaching his children, and romanticizing his wife. He’s strong and confident, gentle and kind. And, he’s out there somewhere perfectly balancing family, work, and play. No pressure men, no pressure}.

Since the Proverbs 31 woman seems so untouchable, I’ve come up with a new goal for myself. To explain…

Maybe you’ve seen a 13.1 sticker on the back of a car? If so, you know that means the driver {or someone in the car} has run a half marathon: 13.1 treacherous miles of an insanely long 26.2 mile marathon-length race. Given my current fitness level, I would require hospitalization after running a 5K, so I think the 13.1 accomplishment is WAY impressive. That is HALF of a marathon, and it definitely deserves a bumper sticker, a medal, and a cash prize. 13.1 miles is a long, long way to run.

So, in similar fashion, I’ve decided that I’m a Proverbs 15.5 kind of woman. I’m half way there…

Maybe I don’t get up “while it is still night” {verse 15}. But, I stay up well past midnight most every night. Clearly, the Proverbs 31 woman was unaware of the American Medical Association’s recommendation that adults get an average of 7-9 hours of sleep a night.

And, maybe I don’t plant vineyards {verse 16}. But, I do often “bring food from afar.” Sometimes I have to drive all the way to the other side of town just to pick up dinner.

I don’t know how to make bedspreads and pillows {verse 22}. But, I like to wear linen and own plenty of purple.

I’m not sure my girls would call me “blessed” {verse 28}, but they definitely “arise and call” me… sometimes several times a night.

Sure, I’ve got a long way to go before I get to 31. But, I’m on the way, right?

So, if you see a bumper sticker that says Prov. 15.5… you’ll know it’s me.