Around 4:00 AM on a recent weekday morning, I heard a loud thud on our front door that jolted me awake. Within a few seconds I realized it wasn’t an intruder, but some sort of weather system was rolling in and the large wooden letter “S” that hangs on our front door was banging around in the wind. I laid back down and tried to solve all the world’s problems in my head while my heartbeat slowly returned to normal and I dozed off again. These days it doesn’t take much to wake me or my husband up as light sleep and more restless nights have become our new normal.
Even our girls have had their share of sleep struggles this past year. Their bodies and brains are working overtime like ours are to process all the changes to their routines and uncertainties that loom. When they were younger and one of them would come to our room to tell me she couldn’t fall back to sleep after a bad dream, I would always groggily say the same thing. “Think about something happy.” I’d usually suggest Disney World, the beach, or some other sweet memory. This often worked (and works sometimes still) for our youngest. But teenage brains and our adult brains aren’t so easily redirected.
Some nights it takes a lot more than counting sheep, dreaming about vacations, or deep breathing to calm our anxious thoughts. What is it about the darkness that quickens our imaginations in the worst of ways?
I struggle to be still, so I’ve never given much thought to meditation except to respect it as something more patient people practice. Even when I see the word in print I associate it with yoga or Eastern spirituality. But I recently read this description of what it means in the context of the Bible:
“The Hebrew word for meditate means ‘to mutter or to mumble, to make a low sound.’ It was the habit of people reflecting on the Scriptures to turn the words over and over in their mind, and they did this by speaking the words, often in a whisper that sounded very much like mumbling. They would do this on an early-morning walk, on a garden bench in the afternoon, or on their bed at night. Going over and over the words worked something like a root stimulator, allowing the words to penetrate their heart more quickly and more deeply.” The Reflective Life by Ken Gire
So when the earliest Christians heard the word “meditate,” they weren’t envisioning deep breathing exercises or a yoga studio with floor to ceiling mirrors and Enya playing softly in the background. They thought of literally mumbling Scripture over and over until those truths became embedded in their minds and hearts.
For any of us with even a hint of ADHD, this feels like an important distinction. Maybe we can meditate, too?
If I were to write an honest midnight psalm right now it would read something like this:
“I lie awake thinking,
worrying about my problems, my husband’s problems, my children’s problems, and the world’s problems all through the night.
I try to think about you, God.
But instead I think about work, money, and weather. I fret about everyone’s happiness, health, and homework.
I dwell on things I cannot change and changes we cannot avoid.
I forget how much you have helped me.”
No one wants to frame that kind of poetry.
But the real Psalms are more inspiring. And it’s not because David and the other authors aren’t well acquainted with restless nights. Psalm 63:6-8 reads:
“I lie awake thinking of you,
meditating on you through the night.
I think how much you have helped me;
I sing for joy in the shadow of your protecting wings.
I follow close behind you;
your strong right hand holds me securely.”
With a new understanding of what it means to meditate, this is hopeful. I don’t know that I can lasso all my wild thoughts into a silent submission while I focus my mind on God. But I can memorize short verses to say over and over until they replace my rampant thoughts.
I want to mutter these phrases in my head and on my bed until I believe them.
“I will both lie down in peace, and sleep;
For you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.”
(Psalm 4:8)
“So do not fear, for I am with you;
Do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
(Isaiah 41:10)
“Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.”
(Psalm 91:1)
These thoughts are worlds away from the ones that naturally flow through my brain at 3 or 4 AM. But they remind me that God is not a world away. He is with us and for us—in our waking, in our sleeping, and in our tossing and turning as well.
It is good.. “to declare your steadfast love in the morning, and your faithfulness by night.” (Psalm 92:2)
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