Our gloomy weather has put me in something of a funk lately. I’m angsty and frustrated by the smallest of things. It feels too cold and wet to walk the dog. It’s too messy for the girls to play outside. It’s getting dark so early. I’m not motivated to exercise or inspired to learn anything new. As the trees lose their last few leaves and the holiday rush begins to pulse through my veins, it’s tempting to feel a little hurried and hopeless. Anxious and aggravated.
But I came across a quote by Parker Palmer this week that stopped me mid-complaint:
“It requires no special talent or effort to look at our world and point out the things that numb us, or dumb us down, or depress us. In fact, it’s a no-brainer! But becoming keenly and consistently aware of what’s good, sure, beautiful, and life-giving around us and within us demands a discipline: we must open our eyes, minds, and hearts. And we must keep them open.”
I suppose fussing about the weather is a no-brainer. The real challenge is being disciplined enough to focus on what is good, not what is annoying around us.
The Lord seems to be in the habit of humbling me in this area lately. On Monday I was headed into the grocery store bakery to pick up a cake. As I parked somewhat far away I was thinking about how nice it would be to have curb service instead of trekking in and out in the cold, wet mess. On my way through the automatic doors I noticed an older lady, probably in her late 70’s, wearing a long Food City poncho. She had been outside collecting abandoned shopping carts and was returning them to their place in the miserable weather. She had a noticeable limp, but with a look of determination on her face she was getting her job done. And her job was a pain in the neck. We didn’t speak. But just watching her work spoke to me. I’m an able-bodied person. I have a warm, running car. I can buy more than enough food. Going to the grocery store bakery on a rainy day is not a burden. It’s a privilege.
I don’t like being humbled. But I like how paying attention changes my perspective. It’s not about me. There are people doing hard things all around me. And that’s what I needed to notice on Monday… and what I need to notice every other day as well. Thanksgiving itself isn’t a day or a feeling as much as it is a discipline. Even just paying attention to the goodness around is a discipline. One I need a lot of practice developing.
Here are a couple of small, silly things I’m thankful for this week.
As I was straightening up a pile of papers in the kitchen I came across a birthday card for the Spouse. He turned 40 a few weeks ago, and the 4th Grader wrote a message to him. I had forgotten to read it:
What a relief to know that her love is not conditional! Even though she doesn’t like the idea of her parents being over the hill, our 10-year-old promises to continue loving us. This is certainly good news as we grow “oldish.”
Back to the weather… yesterday I offered to pay the 6th Grader if she would walk Rosie around the cul-de-sac for me. She jumped at the offer until she realized it would involve waste pickup. In the end, she got the job done and lived to tell about it. But the 1st Grader offered this commentary on the situation: “When I grow up I’m going to have a husband so he can walk the dog because I don’t want to carry poop.”
There are many reasons to get married, and I suppose sharing pet cleanup responsibilities should be at the top of that list. No one wants to carry the poop all the time.
Rosie was, understandably, offended by all this talk. Until she saw a squirrel and forgot her own name. Her behavior in the presence of other animals is shameful.
I’m grateful for the way these girls {even the one with fur} remind me to take things, including myself, a little less seriously. When I’m not blindsided by the moment to moment challenges of parenting them, they really do help me remember to see what is good and fun and funny all around me.
Hopefully it’s not too late for me to learn how to get better at thanksgiving. Even if I am getting “oldish.”
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