This weekend marks two highly anticipated occasions for our family. First, Saturday is the annual Daddy Daughter Dance at a local church, and this will be the second year the Spouse has taken all three girls to this event. {One loves to dress up, one loves to dance, and one goes primarily for the punch and cookies. But, they’re all three equally excited to go as his date}. Then, on Sunday the 4th Grader turns TEN years old.
If I’m being honest, my default mindset on ordinary days is not often one of gratitude. I’m more prone to want to identify problems and dwell on how things could be or should be than to acknowledge the goodness or beauty of what already is. While I know better, I tend to set up camp in a place of frustration rather than a place of gratitude until… I sit down to write a post. And, then, in mysterious ways, my perspective shifts just enough for me to think about how much I have to be grateful for and to actively remember a few of our funnier moments or happier moments or full-of-life moments. This weekend I want to focus on how thankful I am for two things in particular: our almost 10-year-old and the dads in our lives.
Last weekend the 4th Grader, the almost-ten-year-old I speak of, came running downstairs after her shower with a sense of urgency in her voice to ask me this:
4th Grader: When Jesus comes back will the people who are dead now come back to life?
Me: Yes. That’s what the Bible says will happen.
4th Grader: So, I’ll get to meet your Dad then?
Me: Yep. You sure will.
4th Grader {with big tears welling up in her eyes}: I just really wish I could know him.
Me: And, so do I. More than you know.
These sort of conversations come up with the girls from time to time. Even when they were toddlers they would occasionally ask questions about his whereabouts. But, our passionate 4th Grader is the most interested in my dad in this particular season. And, as she is getting older her questions are getting more specific and more involved. I was fortunate enough to grow up knowing all four of my grandparents and having them as active participants in my life for two decades, so I want to do what I can to make this missing figure seem real to them.
Dad and I didn’t go to any father-daughter dances that I recall. But, I do remember this. The spring just before I got married, which happened to be the last spring he was with us, a group of us signed up for ballroom dance lessons at a local dance studio to learn some basic steps before the wedding. My mom had just had a minor surgery and wasn’t able to take the class. But, my dad came to those classes by himself just so he would be prepared for our dance. He was the only one in his age group there, and gracefulness on the dance was floor was never going to be his {or my} thing. But, he came because he didn’t want to mess that dance up.
On some days the cynical version of me is bitter that my Dad didn’t live long enough to meet and enjoy his grandchildren. But the better version of me, the grateful version, is thankful for the time we had with him.
Thinking about him reminds me how thankful I am for the kind of dad the Spouse is to our girls. It’s my job to make sure they understand, not just on the weekend of a dance but every day, that they have the best of the best when it comes to dads. They also have a wonderful paternal grandfather who must have the patience of Job because he will do things like help the Spouse attend a Home Depot class with the younger two. Not just anyone can guide the Preschooler to safely use a hammer and nails. He is one of the most gentle and kind men I know, and I’m grateful my girls have him in their lives.
So, this weekend we’ll celebrate a couple of things: dads and daughters. And, I’ll most especially thank God for the gift he gave us in the form of this particular daughter ten short years ago.
Happy birthday, beloved 4th Grader. You make me want to be wiser and stronger and better every day. And, more than anything I’ve ever done or will ever do, I’m most proud to be your mom.
Yes, It is major when our eldest approaches double digits!! That was gallant of your Dad to take Ballroom dancing to be able to do his fatherly duty at the Wedding! And I was privileged to get to see you two together for that occasion! I know that we are all assigned a time to die before we are born, but I also feel in my heart when someone like your Dad is taken so young that it is more like what I call a tragedy. I am sorry that only one of my great grandchildren were able to meet their Grandfather, Joe, but his memory is kept alive in pictures, and stories! So can yours be! Love your pictures. I know that it is ‘cool’ to have pics. in black and white, but that was all we had until the 40’s, so I am always partial to color photos. (I never have told anyone else that, because I don’t want people to feel that I don’t appreciate their “artsy” photos, but You understand)!