My 96-year-old friend

I want to do something a little different in this space today. A couple of weeks ago I listened to a podcast where David Brooks, a columnist for The New York Times, talked about viewing his role as a writer as being one who “illuminates” or shines light on people who are doing good work. Obviously, I don’t have the wide reach or well-honed skill Brooks does. But I’d like to at least occasionally illuminate someone who is making a difference—doing uncelebrated good—in the corner of the world in which I live.

Awhile ago I started thinking about how the real influencers in our lives are those who are quietly and steadily loving and leading the people around them. They are the teachers, coaches, pastors, grandparents, mentors, and encouragers who make our world a better place. Last May I had the chance to sit down with one such influencer, a (now) 96-year-old woman whom I’ve known my whole life. My grandparents lived into their mid-eighties, but each of them suffered from physical decline and dementia the last several years of their lives. So I am in awe of anyone in their NINETIES who is living an active and robust life. But age alone is not what makes this woman special.

I could introduce you to Reba as my 5th Grade Sunday School teacher, the grandmother of one of my close childhood friends, a pillar of her community, a spiritual mentor, or simply as a friend. It has taken me over a year to write this post in part because I fear I can’t do her justice in so few words. Suffice it to say, she is remarkable in countless ways. I won’t attempt to recap her fascinating life story, but I want to share some highlights of our conversation with you here because I think the words and wisdom of her generation are more relevant than ever for our generation.

For context, Reba (or “Mimi” as she has long been referred to by her grand and great-grandchildren) looks at least twenty years younger than she is. She dresses to the nines. The day I spoke with her she is sporting stylish pants, a bright blouse, and an embellished denim jacket well-fitted and flattering to her petite frame. When she answers the door and welcomes me into her ridge-top home where she has lived for more than seventy years, she does so with the energy and enthusiasm of an excited hostess. I suspect this is how she approaches every day—eager and ready for the next adventure.

She immediately points me to a map where she has pinpointed the area of town where I live and notes some places of interest near my house. To say she is savvy or well-travelled (locally or otherwise) is an understatement. She knows all the best places to eat in town, she can have a discussion around any piece of news or culture, and she is an avid user of her cell phone and social media. Conversation with her comes fast and easy.

On Faith

“The longer I serve Him, the sweeter He grows.”

To know Reba is to know that she loves the Lord. Whether she’s recounting her childhood, her early days of marriage and family, her retirement years spent hiking and traveling, or her more recent season of life after losing her beloved husband of sixty-seven years, she can’t help but reference her faith and the verses she has leaned on for comfort and direction at every turn. She tells me she took a Scripture memory class in 1952. Clearly it worked. She knows the Bible inside and out and I’m struck by how much of it she can still effortlessly recite off the top of her head.

She has memorized Psalm 145. (After we talked I looked up that Psalm. It’s not a short one!) And she likes to say prayers from the book of Ephesians for her family.

On Fun & Football

“Everything is fun to me!”

To this day, Reba’s interests are far and wide. She loves anything to do with nature or art. Flower-arranging, gardening, lake outings, painting. Raised in a musical family, she has a deep love for song and dance. A talented soloist, she has also played the oboe, clarinet, guitar, and ukulele. And she still talks excitedly about her dancing days when she first learned how to jitterbug and ballroom dance. “I just love it all!,” she says.

SEC football is one of her biggest interests in the fall. She makes a schedule of all the SEC games at the start of each season and tries not to miss any of them. A perpetual optimist and a lifelong Volunteers fan, she says with a wink: “If UT doesn’t win, I don’t feel bad because Alabama is going to win!”

On Service

In a day and age when we measure influence by the number of followers or the size of a platform one has, Reba has spent her entire adult life influencing others by way of listening, loving, and leading.

At one point she mentions that she taught a Sunday School class of women in their mid-thirties for about twelve years. “I would spend ten hours a week preparing lessons. I felt like I was a preacher with a flock. And I did try to minister to them. I took food when their grandmothers died or their kids had tonsillectomies. I felt like I had the time and I needed to be productive—caring and sharing—because God had given me this time.”

On Family

“I think it’s good to keep family traditions alive.“

When her first grandchild was born, “Mimi” began a tradition of cooking Sunday lunch for her whole family (and any friends they brought along). She lights up talking about it, “I loved to cook! I planned the menus and made homemade bread and birthday cakes… I hung banners to celebrate different occasions.” She hosted the lunches for thirty-five years. She says her priorities were simple, “First, God. Then I tried to take care of what He gave me.”

These days her family time keeps her on the go attending basketball games and school programs to support her six great-grandchildren. Even at 96 she doesn’t miss a big game, a baptism, a special program, or a day out at Dollywood with the great-grandkids.

And she has some sage advice on parenting:

“Somebody has to be in charge: the adult or the child.“

“Parenting is the most important job and greatest job we do. We have the opportunity to let children grow up knowing they’re loved.”

On Longevity

“My life has been blessed. The good Lord has kept me from having accidents. I have good genes. Good nutrition. Good exercise.”

Up until her mid-80’s, that “good exercise” came in the form of hiking over 8500 miles of trail in Alaska, Hawaii, and other state parks. She and her late husband led a group of Thursday hikers on trails throughout the Smoky Mountains for years. To this day she can identify countless overlooks and trailheads from one glance at a picture.

She may not be hiking, but she’s still perpetually learning new things.

“I’m not too old to learn. I get up and study the Bible every morning and have prayer time when it’s totally quiet—before the phone starts ringing. Our Bible is so rich, and God’s words are so applicable to today. I’m still learning new truths!“

On Loving Life

“I’m very content in my solitude. Of course I say that, and then I’ve met a guy…”

Reba isn’t one to sit around and watch life happen. “My social calendar used to be kind of sparse, but I met (a widower) and now we go around everywhere together. We paint in his studio.”

Even the day I talked with her she asked if I would care to drop her off at her friend’s house on my way back home. She had already mapped it out and knew our houses were close. On our cross-town drive she toyed with her cell phone and reapplied her lipstick as we discussed which restaurants have the best brunches and desserts in town. She gets around and could still teach me a thing or two about seizing the day… or ordering the right piece of cheesecake.

We all know the Greatest Generation is a national treasure. It’s people like Reba who remind me what makes it such a remarkable one. She likes to quote the hymn, “To God be the glory, great things He has done!”

For sure He has. And not the least of those “great things” is blessing us with her.