The best conversations with kids usually happen in the car. Earlier this week when only my youngest was riding with me she asked…
8-year-old: Do you know about that time when Jesus was in the forest for forty days and forty nights?
Me: You mean when he went to the wilderness?
8-year-old: Yeah. The wilderness. Well, anyway, you know he didn’t eat anything that whole time and he just prayed?
Me: Yes. Pretty amazing to do that for so long, don’t you think?
8-year-old: Yes! Because if I was out there for forty days I’d probably eat my clothes. And I’d run out of things to pray about!
You and me both, child.
I imagine conversations like this are why Jesus loved being around kids. They don’t pretend to be stronger or more spiritual than they are. They just tell it like it is without any pride or pretense. Forty days of fasting in the desert (or the forest?!) sounds awful. And that is a reeaally long time to stay focused in prayer.
I’m having trouble staying focused on anything right now. I like to blame it on the pandemic, but if I’m being honest I’ve struggled with focus ever since I’ve owned a smartphone… and maybe even longer. Most days I flit from task to task or text to text with little to show for my efforts come bedtime. I have trouble sitting still and thinking because my mind shifts from whatever project I’m working on to something I’m worried about, to something I need to remember, to someone I should call, or to an interruption from a student in the “virtual school.” Algebra is taking a special toll on my mental state. This morning my oldest came downstairs to see if I could help with this problem:
s = oc – cer
All I can see here is the word “soccer.” Many moons ago when I was a student I understood algebra, but in September of 2020 this might as well be a riddle. I have no time for this nonsense. And I’m tempted to curse the subject of math with all its words and concepts I can’t remember like “exponent” and “variable.” Fortunately we have Google and YouTube, and we will (hopefully!) survive this semester. But my brain may pay a hefty price for these few months.
The frustrations of our week and my inability to focus on math or do anything else with excellence right now reminds me how helpless I am to manage this season well. As usual, by Friday I’m convinced I need a tutor, a therapist, a life coach, and a do-over on the week.
The unpleasant truth of every day I live in this sort of harried, frustrated state is that as long as I’m thinking about myself and my troubles, I sense fear and failure. And I know those feelings aren’t of the Lord. I forget that God knows what a mess I am. He’s not looking for a performance or giving out merit badges for a “good” week. He just wants my attention. The success of any given day is not about how long or how well I can stay focused, but who I am focusing on.
I love how this verse in the Message tells us to pray:
“Here’s what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won’t be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace.” Matthew 6:6
Isn’t that all we need? Some quiet. Some raw honesty. And a shift in our focus that takes us from here to there — from ourselves to our Shepherd.
And with that comes enough grace for another hour, another day… another week.
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