A friendship in the making

In the midst of this parenting business, there are many days when I feel like we are making little, if any, forward progress with the girls. When you mix discipline issues, sibling rivalries, and the typical challenges of caring for young children together with things like meals, snacks, laundry, dishes, baths and bedtime rituals, it’s hard to see much further down the road than tomorrow. And, on those occasions when everyone has a meltdown at the same moment, even tomorrow can seem like the distant future. I know, of course, that kids don’t stay young very long, and time flies, and this is just a season… But, when you’re in the trenches, it’s hard to keep all that in perspective.

The other night, though, I caught my first real glimpse of something that makes me hopeful and excited about the months and years ahead.

The Preschooler was begging to go on a bike ride. Usually the Spouse would take her and the Toddler in the trailer behind his bike and ride around the neighborhood. But, on this particular evening, the Toddler wasn’t in the bike-riding mood. So, she and the Spouse {and the Baby} went inside and found their own entertainment while I dusted off my long-neglected bike and got ready to go on a ride with the Preschooler.

I didn’t think much of it. A bike ride around our cul-de-sac, down the street and back several times. Sure, the weather was nice and we could say “hi” to a few neighbors. But, basically, is was just going to be a good form of light exercise {I bike to have fun, not to sweat} and a chance to get out of the house for a few minutes.

But, to the Preschooler, it was something more.

I would lead as we went down the street with her peddling behind me. And, then when we started to make the turn to go back up the street, I’d have her switch and ride in front of me. We did this several times until we started to make another turn where she was supposed to take the lead. But, instead, she got exactly parallel with me and said, “Let’s just ride beside each other.”

Well, I couldn’t argue with that {except for the fact that I’m a decent bike rider but not a great bike rider, and any spastic movement to my left or right could end in disaster… and the Preschooler is kind of known for being spastic…}. Nonetheless, we rode side by side.

A few minutes into the stretch she said, “Isn’t this fun? I like riding bikes together. It’s like we’re having a date.”

And, that’s when it hit me…

It is like a date. It is fun. It’s just her and me doing something we both enjoy doing… together. And, she actually enjoys spending time with me, just riding side by side.

Where have I been? How have I missed this? Somewhere amidst having a third baby and moving and trying to get settled, I’ve not found {or carved out} the time to do anything one-on-one with her. And, we both need that opportunity.  

Then, my mind fast-forwarded a few years ahead and I could imagine us riding bikes together, only this time with no training wheels, and having longer conversations about things like school and friends and life and God… funny things and heavy things…

I could imagine us having a friendship. Not a peer-like friendship, but a kinship.

I think somewhere over the course of the past few months and years, I had lost sight of this reality:

We’re not simply raising children. We’re raising people. People who can both challenge AND delight us in ways we never knew possible. People who, God willing, will grow up to be our most trusted and satisfying company.

And, that makes parenting all the more exciting.

Of course, no outing is complete to the Preschooler unless it includes a proper snack. So, before we ended our ride, she insisted that we stop long enough to share a snack together. This is it, in its entirety:

What makes this special is that this lone mint means a whole lot to the Preschooler. She hoards treats of this sort. But, she didn’t bat an eye about sharing it with me. In fact, she couldn’t wait to show me the “surprise” she had for us in her bike basket.

So, we split one chocolate mint.

And, somewhere between those two nibbles of mostly melted chocolate, I caught a glimpse of a friendship in the making.

Sure, the reality of her being five will continue to mean we’ll have hourly struggles… she will disobey us, fight with her sister, whine, jump on the furniture, etc, etc. And, I will feel likely continue to feel defeated a hundred times a day. I will sit on the couch next to the Spouse at midnight and say again, “I don’t know what to do about {the Preschooler}…”

But, one thing I can do. I’m going to start prioritizing these bike rides. I know they’re good for my health, and I think they may be even better for my heart.