Flattened by flu

I’m excited to be well enough to sit up and write a post today. Two weeks ago I came down with Flu A followed by some sort of secondary infection, and the combination nearly wiped me out. Never in my life have I been so sick for so long. I’ve had viruses and bronchitis, sinus infections and mono. But I’ve never had a fever for thirteen days and not been well enough to get off the couch and drive a car. After countless doses of Ibuprofen, Sudafed, a cough suppressant, elderberry, Vitamin C, an antibiotic, and a little Albuterol, I think I’m nearly recovered.

I’ll admit I’ve not taken the flu all that seriously in the past, but I won’t be joking around about influenza or its complications going forward. I can only imagine the danger it is to the immune-compromised. It is no joke. And apparently I’m not near as resilient as I thought myself to be!

At one point last week my middle child, {who also had Flu A but is youthful and took Tamiflu® and recovered in three days}, walked into the living room and whispered with a sigh:

“When do you think you’ll be better?”

Me: I’m not sure, honey. Why do you ask?

Her: Umm… because this is weird. You’re the one who does everything around here.

Can I get an Amen??

It’s good to be appreciated. Truth be told, though, the Spouse, my mom, and a few dear friends swooped in and did a lot of things. And I’m most thankful for their help with transportation, laundry, a birthday {my oldest one turned 13 during Flumageddon}, Valentine’s Day, and meals. When my people are sick I quarantine them and tiptoe around in a hazmat suit spraying all the surfaces with Lysol. So I’m certainly unworthy of their more tender care.

There is nothing quite like losing your health for a few weeks that makes you appreciate your health in a whole new way. I’m excited to do normal things again. Instead of dreading the time I spend in the school car line or the task of walking my dog in the freezing weather, I feel like everything is a privilege. I “get” to pick the girls up today; I “get” to go outside and walk the dog. I wish I didn’t have to be wiped out by an illness for my perspective to be one of gratitude, but a few weeks on the sidelines does a heart some good.

I realized two things during my days on the couch that I don’t want to soon forget. The first is, I don’t have as much control over my life as I think I do. I may wash my hands excessively, use sanitizer, take supplements, exercise, and do all the “right” preventative things. And yet Proverbs 16:9 still proves true, “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.” This is always alarming news to Type-A people like myself. We are not in charge of the world, not even the little kingdoms we believe to be totally dependent on us. It’s unsettling at first, and then kind of freeing. We live and breathe and dance and do all the things we do—whether that be housework and homework or sales pitches and spreadsheets—by grace.

And the second thing I realized is how very much our connection to people matters more than anything else we do during the course of our days. A few months ago Emily Freeman said in one of her podcasts, “The goal of our lives isn’t to be the most productive humans we can possibly be. The goal is union with God and connection with each other.”

My last post was about the importance of saying good words or blessings over the people we love. At first glance, it probably sounds like I think I have some wisdom or spiritual insight to offer. So I’d like to note that out of the same mouth—my mouth—come both blessing and cursing. I don’t ever write in this space to preach or instruct. I write here for the same reason an alcoholic goes to AA meetings. For the accountability and the connection.

You’re a small audience. So small that I know a good number of you in real life and too small to turn the heads of any editors. But I delight in writing for you. I think about you during the week in your various job settings and life stages. I think about the struggles you face and the joys you experiences. The questions and dreams you have and the plans you’re making. And you make me want to be better.

Honestly, I spent most of the last two weeks just wanting to feel better. But on my best days, you sincerely make me want to be better. And that’s a powerful motivator. A virtual community around a blog may not be the kind of community I grew up in or the kind of community experience I wish for my kids, but it’s still a kind of community. And I’m grateful for it.

I may not have anything to show for a lot of my days {certainly not the last two weeks} in the way of worldly productivity. Maybe you don’t either. But let’s not allow that to be a measure of our worth. We’re here, by grace, to commune and connect.

Several weeks ago I came across a quote by the late, great poet:

“Sometimes I need only to stand where I am to be blessed.”
Mary Oliver

I liked the quote and quickly pasted it into the notes section on my phone without giving it much more thought. But today, I came across the words and realized how profound they are. Literally just being able to stand where I am is a blessing. And pausing long enough {by choice or out of necessity} to see the people around us and feel the life and energy and love around us is indeed a blessing in its own right.

May you and I both stand in such a place this weekend.