End of an era

Today is the last official day of preschool for my oldest, the Preschooler. I’ve been trying not to think too much about this because I hate to be overly sentimental about something so inevitable… and in many ways, something so exciting for her as she gets ready to start this next chapter of “real” school.

But, this morning, when I went in to wake her up to get dressed, this was our conversation.

The Preschooler: Mommy, I’m sad.

Me: Why? You love school.

The Preschooler: Well, because it’s my last day of preschool. And, I won’t get to see Lucy anymore.

{And, this is the point where my mother’s heart broke just a little bit. Because, I really wanted to lie and say something like, “Oh, sure you will!” But, the truth is, we live pretty far away from Lucy, and she’s going to a different kindergarten next year, and I don’t really know her mom well enough to see her otherwise… So, the Preschooler and I both know, it’s true. She probably won’t be playing with Lucy much, if ever, after today.}

Me: I know, honey. I know.

The Preschooler: And, I’m going to miss my teachers.

{And, here, a little pang shot through my heart again. Because, I think about how much she’s learned from these women and how well they’ve cared for her and her classmates all year. In her five-year old mind, these teachers play a huge part in her world. She trusts them completely, and the thought of leaving them to go off to a new place with new faces is scary. I get that. Deep down, I get that.} 

Me: Yes. I know you are. But, maybe we can go back and visit them sometime… and we can always write them notes to say hi.

And, so with that, we talked a little about how kindergarten is sure to be a world of fun and adventure. Then, we shifted our focus back to today, and I let her pick out the outfit of her choice to celebrate this special “last day” of school.

The truth is, though, today might be as hard for me as it is for the Preschooler simply because I’m realizing how difficult all the inevitable seasons of change are going to be on all of us. I’ve never been particularly adaptable to major life changes. I lived in the same community and attended the same church my entire childhood and adolescence. I kept many of the same friends from elementary school right on into adulthood. {I take seriously the adage, “Make new friends, but keep the old.” I’m a big fan of keeping the old alongside the new}. I stayed fairly local for college. For a long time, I lived in a way that minimized the amount of change I had to weather. Eventually, I realized I was missing out on opportunities because of my own fear and resistance. And, as an adult who {cautiously} went off to another state for graduate school {where I met my sweet spouse}, I’ve slowly grown a little more comfortable with change and all the exciting doors it can open. But, to this day, I love community. I respect friendship. And, I put high value on the durability of both.

So, now, when I think about going through changes and all the accompanying emotions with these girls of mine… I’m just not sure how well I’ll handle it. I’ve come a long way. But, seeing how it affects the hearts of these {very sensitive} little girls is where things get hard. And, their hearts and my heart are intricately connected.

I know this is just life. Time marches on and circumstances change. Kids grow up and graduate and have babies of their own. And, change isn’t bad.

All I’m saying is… it’s just a little hard sometimes.

But, today, instead of resisting the change, I’m going to acknowledge it and try even to bask in it.

Here’s to celebrating what has been four great years at a special preschool.