I don’t think I ever imagined I’d be raising three daughters. It’s not that I thought I’d be raising sons, I just didn’t give much thought to the weighty responsibility of rearing little people of either gender until it was upon me. And, now, it’s very upon me/us.
Some days, if not most days, I feel completely ill-equipped for the task at hand. As if child-rearing hasn’t always been difficult in and of itself, you factor in trying to do it well in the midst of a culture obsessed with image and flooded with damaging stereotypes at every turn… then it pretty much just feels overwhelming.
My girls are young: only 5, 4, and 10 months. They don’t yet worry about body image or weight or the latest trends in fashion. The oldest two have their opinions about what they wear and how they have their hair cut, but they aren’t overly concerned with impressions.
As recently as this summer the Kindergartener would occasionally say, at the most random of times, “I’m gorgeous.” She could be dancing in front of the mirror, brushing her teeth, or strolling through the mall, and just spontaneously burst it out as fact. And, every time, I thought it was hilarious. I’m not even sure she fully understands what the word “gorgeous” means, but the fact that she can bounce around with that underlying sense of confidence in who she is and how she looks blows my mind.
But, it also makes my heart hurt. Because, I know what’s coming. She’s started school now, and I fear that all too soon something or someone will begin to strip her of that confidence. And, gradually, her innocent sense of self-esteem may well be challenged and even fade as it’s replaced with the type of insecurities that go along with being female in a fallen world.
How can I stop time? Or at least stop this one thing from happening?
How can I preserve some of the innocence that allows the Kindergartener to look in a mirror and declare unashamedly, “I’m gorgeous,” even while she’s wearing last season’s pajamas, plastic pearls, and sporting a large streak of blue eyeshadow across her forehead? How can I bottle up some of the indifferent confidence the Preschooler exhibits when she throws on a pair of leggings and a leotard and {proudly} wears that ensemble all over town for a day?
How can I learn from them on this matter instead of allowing them to learn from me?
I really want to think through questions of this sort and glean from the wisdom of those who know a lot more than I do about how to raise daughters well.
BUT, all my pondering and gleaning is going to have to wait because this is what has happened to us in the last week.
She’s so proud of herself.
So, my days will now be spent trying to keep up with this sweet monkey, who is dangerously full of confidence in her new walking abilities.
Now, I’ll have to do all my deep thinking and worrying at night.
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