I’m not, and have never been, a big fan of change. The trouble is, if parenting comes with one guarantee it is the inevitability of change.
I was talking to a friend this week about how much I’ve forgotten related to the baby stage of parenting because changing diapers and cleaning bottles seems like a lifetime ago. In reality, I was in the throes of baby days and sleepless nights a few short years ago. But it seems like just when we would figure out a good feeding schedule or a nap time routine that was working well, one of the girls would suddenly move into the next stage of development and we’d be facing different challenges. When the oldest one started kindergarten, the youngest one was learning to walk. Somehow the pace of their growth and the rate of all those changes from one stage to the next was so fast that I didn’t have much time to notice it happening.
This spring is different, though. I’m more keenly aware of the changes on the horizon. Right now I sit one month out from my youngest completing preschool, and the changes coming our way this fall are a little unsettling for her and me both. In some ways it seems like I have spent the last ten years preparing children for this big milestone we call kindergarten. So a whole season of my life {a decade of it!} comes to something of a close when I send the third and final one off to real school.
A few nights ago I was combing the Preschooler’s hair out and she sat looking into the mirror and said with tears in her eyes, “I don’t want to go to kindergarten.”
This is my highest-intensity child who thinks she’s every bit as old as her sisters and is typically excited for new opportunities. So, her sadness caught me by surprise.
“Why don’t you want to go? Kindergarten is going to be so fun!”
Her {with tears falling now}: “I like my preschool. And, I won’t have any friends at kindergarten. McKenzie won’t be there.”
Because her statements were true I wasn’t immediately sure how to respond. She loves her preschool. She doesn’t yet know anyone going into kindergarten with her. And, since we live a good distance from her preschool, she won’t be in class with her spunky little friend McKenzie or any of her other current schoolmates.
So, trying to convince myself of its truth as the words left my mouth, I said: “Well, everything’s going to be fine. It’s a big change, but I think you’re going to love kindergarten!”
Here’s what I know. Kindergarten is typically pretty fun. But, it’s not preschool. You have to go every day and start doing desk work. A lot of playtime hours will be replaced with more structure and more responsibility. It marks the end of the early developmental years and the beginning of one’s journey through the school years. It’s a big deal and we both know it.
The reality is: some parts of growing up are plain hard. Of course, wonderful things come along with each new stage. But I think it’s okay to acknowledge for just a little while that there is a sadness to growing up. We leave some really great things behind like…
freedom to wonder and wander
imagination
carefreeness
playfulness
some of our confidence in who we are and what we can be…
Maybe not coincidentally, the Preschooler’s class finishes the school year out by growing butterflies in their classroom. I’m not sure there could be a more tangible way to teach 4 and 5-year-olds about the beauty of change. I guess caterpillars are sort of cute with their fuzziness and their quirky way of inching along. Then the pupas they create are cozy and comfortable and a safe place for important growth. But, who would ever want to stay twirled up in a pupa when they could grow into a beautiful butterfly with wings and the ability to fly? Their life cycle is an exciting process to behold.
The difference between butterflies and people, though, is that we don’t have such a simple, straightforward life cycle. Rather than learning to fly one time, we have to learn to fly again and again and again as we go through many new life stages.
This time of year is stacked with special events and activities that mark the end of the school year. Two nights ago the 4th Grader had a musical theatre production. I was not blessed with rhythm or stage presence, so it’s fascinating to watch her enjoy something so foreign to my own interests or abilities. She seems to love it. And, seeing her discover a new passion reminds me that there are good and exciting things around each new corner. She’ll be entering her 5th grade year this fall and will get to “take flight” in new ways as she gains more independence and has opportunities for leadership as one of the “big kids” at school.
Yesterday the 2nd Grader finished her first official track season. She has never expressed any interest in running and is generally more concerned with the concessions than the competition. But two of her closest friends were joining the track team so she saw this as a social occasion. And as it turns out, she can run pretty fast. She’s scared of the start gun {which works to her advantage by giving her an extra jolt of adrenaline}, and she complains about the heat and the warm-up laps. But, she helped her relay team grab a second place finish in the 4×100, and it was fun to see her “take flight” with a new sport.
I know change has its place and its perks. We would never gain wisdom or maturity or depth of character if we didn’t keep growing and moving forward.
So I guess it’s best that I swallow hard and keep saying, “You’re going to love kindergarten!,” like I believe it… because part of me knows it’s true.
Sometimes change is hard. Sometimes change is wanted. Sometimes change is hopeful.
But, always this is reassuring:
Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes… ~ James 1:17
Reba Haynes says
It is so true–our lives are ever changing, but HE remains the same, and He is always there!
Jeremi says
Love this, Holllie.