Lately Toddler 1 has taken to blaming Toddler 2 for most everything negative that happens to her. Just a few nights ago she was running through the hall and turned the corner so fast that she hit the side of her head on the wall. Through angry tears, she immediately blamed her sister (who was in the bathroom washing her hands nowhere near the scene of the accident) for the whole misfortune that befell her. I’ve been noticing that any time Toddler 1 is injured or disciplined or upset, It’s not uncommon at all to hear her yell that her sister (no matter how far removed from the situation) “is being ugly!!” … as if that lessens the pain or diminishes her personal responsibility for the incident. Sometimes it’s maddening, but other times the blame is so predictable and outlandishly misdirected that it’s just comical.
Coincidentally (or not), I’m doing a study on the book of Genesis this year, and we just had a lesson on the Fall and the original blame game in the garden of Eden. Eve blamed the serpent and Adam blamed “that woman,” and there began humanity’s natural tendency toward casting blame away from oneself.
I’ve been doing some analyzing, and I think my clever strategy with the blame game is to cast blame not necessarily on other people, but on all manner of circumstances. It’s much more subtle this way. For example, I blame my moods or lethargy on the weather… “It’s just so dreary outside…” I blame my impatience and short-temper on a lack of rest… “Well, if I had gotten more sleep last night…” I blame my moments of discontentment or frustration on anything and everything… “If only our house would sell…; if the economy was better…; if I had majored in early childhood development…; if we had more down time…” etc., etc.
Blame is easy. It comes natural. And, it takes all the pressure off of me to actually change. But, unfortunately, it’s not very becoming. And, it’s not very productive.
So, here’s the challenge. I’ve got to replace the tendency to blame with another tendency. And, I’ve got to help my kids learn to do the same thing. (That’s the bigger challenge, for sure!). When I think about what we were designed to do, and what we are still called to do, it’s to praise. It’s to praise God and to look for things worthy of praise in others. It may sound simple enough, but it’s incredibly difficult for melancholy people like myself.
When the Spouse and I got married, we had a friend sing a Twila Paris song for the wedding called “My Lips Will Praise You.” When I think about the lyrics to that song in contrast to what I really use my lips to do nowadays (which is quite a bit of complaining and blaming), I suddenly feel very convicted.
It’s a choice. I (and Toddler 1) can choose to go with our natural tendencies and blame other people and circumstances for everything that happens, or we can choose to do what we were really created to do and look for things to praise. Even more than Nancy Sinatra’s boots were made for walking, our lips were made for praising. And, I’ve got to think that praising would feel a lot better, and sound a lot better, than blaming any day.
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