“You’re ruining my life!” These are the words my 7-year-old angrily spouted out at me this morning when I told her she couldn’t wear plastic high heels to her day camp. With one last stubborn click-clack on the garage floor she slid the heels off, stuffed them in her backpack, and reluctantly put on a pair of real shoes. I hope that one day she’ll be as amused as I am by the melodramatics of her childhood self.
Of course I know I’m not ruining my girls’ lives because of some boundary lines I draw around their footwear. But some days I do wonder if I’m doing much to enrich their lives. Too often I’m grouchy and impatient, distracted by dreams and disappointments instead of tuned into what’s happening in front of me. I think I’m in the middle of an identity crisis, maybe a mid-life crisis of sorts.
As the girls grow older I want them to see me as a whole person—as an engaged parent and also as someone who contributes to her community and the world around her. So as I toy with the idea of re-entry into the workforce, I’m trying to determine where, when, and how that might best play out.
A few weeks ago I interviewed for a part-time position with a non-profit. I didn’t get the job, and honestly I wouldn’t have been a great fit for the position. But the experience left me thinking, doubting, and wondering who in the world I am and what I’m supposed to be doing in this season. Basically I’m still trying to answer the question, “What/Who do you want to be when you grow up?”
It seems like the shows I watch, the books I read, the conversations I have keep circling back around to this theme: be a better listener. It’s as if the Lord is saying, “Quit talking and frantically searching for direction and just start listening to what I’m doing and where I’m leading.”
Just yesterday I read a story about an interview between Mother Theresa and Dan Rather. In their conversation Rather asked her what she said during her prayers, and she answered, “I listen.” Then Rather said, “Well, what does God say to you?” And she replied, “He listens.”
I love that. It’s completely counter-intuitive and nothing about it sounds like the way I pray or process information. In fact, I choose talking and looking—for opportunities, for solutions, for advice—over listening any day. Listening feels slow and hard. Looking feels proactive and productive.
Our world moves lightning fast, and the phones we carry in our pockets are so loud and alive with information, it’s hard to see any purpose or progress in the act of listening. I admit to being more interested in what someone I don’t even know posts on Instagram or tweets on Twitter than what the Lord wants to say to me or ask me right now. It’s easier and far more entertaining to scroll than to sit still. But I’m beginning to think listening, really listening—to the Lord, to my kids, to the people around me—may just be the key to doing anything worthwhile.
“Wisdom is something that comes, little by little,
through a lot of listening.”
— Jean Vanier —
Tomorrow when my 7-year-old announces that I’m ruining her life because I won’t let her buy fake eyelashes, I’m going to start by telling her, “I hear you.”
I’m not buying the lashes. But at least I’m listening.
Love this, as always, Hollie. Listening, especially to God, is such an important skill! I’m doing a study called “Experiencing God” with a group of women right now (it’s not the first time I’ve done it, but I need to hear the principles again!). The premise is that God desires a loving relationship with us that’s real, personal and practical. He speaks to us and invites us the join Him in what He’s doing, which usually results in a crisis of belief for us where we need to make adjustments so we’re ready for Him to use us. Our obedience to join Him results in us experiencing and knowing Him more. Listening is such a big part of it all!
These are words of wisdom! Another good word besides Listen! is Submission. To God…He will guide you. Sometimes He is quiet, but his Word never changes! I enjoyed your post…keep on being a wife and parent. and continue writing! That’s what He wants of you!