A friend like Charlotte

It has been seventeen months since all three of my kids have simultaneously gone to school in a real building. Now as they get geared up to head back to classrooms in a new city and we all establish some new routines in the next few weeks, I feel a familiar tightness settling into my back and shoulders. There’s a subtle swirling in my stomach. I’ve come to recognize these sensations as the marks of anxiety, and anxious thoughts like to multiply when I don’t smother them with truth and goodness.

I’m not proud to admit it, but the only book I’ve read these past few months is a re-read of a children’s classic. My youngest child missed out on getting to do Charlotte’s Web as a 3rd grade novel study this past year due to the pandemic and some curriculum changes, but I knew she’d love the story. So without much thought concerning its heaviness, I started reading it out loud to her this summer.

We’re nearing the end of the book now. And a few nights ago as Charlotte began foreshadowing her own death, my squirmy but intently interested listener threw her hand up and said: “Now wait a minute! Charlotte’s not going to die, is she??”

I evaded the question for fear it would ruin the whole story. Spoiler alert: in the unlikely event you haven’t read the book, Charlotte does, in fact, die in the end. And it’s terribly sad. But ultimately this book isn’t about her death; it’s about the power and beauty of friendship. It’s about loyalty and kindness.

As I prepare to send three girls into the deep waters of a new school system this week where they will walk into big buildings on the first day knowing literally not a soul, I’m clinging to any reminders of the hope of friendship and kindness. Thank goodness children are grittier and more resilient than adults because I need to breathe into a paper bag just thinking about it.

My favorite counselor and writer on the topic of girls and mental health, Sissy Goff, says: “Bravery exists in the presence of fear, not the absence of it.” So I pray the Lord will grant them, and all the other kids stepping into unknown and fearful situations, much bravery in these next few days and weeks.

And I also pray—for my own daughters and for your daughters (and sons, as well)—that the Lord will grant each of them a friend or two like Charlotte.

E.B. White wrote what are arguably some of the most moving lines about friendship in all of children’s literature with these closing words:

Wilbur never forgot Charlotte. Although he loved her children and grandchildren dearly, none of the new spiders ever quite took her place in his heart. She was in a class by herself. It is not often that someone comes along who is a true friend and a good writer. Charlotte was both.

I think the goal I have for my girls is that they not only meet a Charlotte, but that they become more like her as well. Of course I’ll be delighted if they become good writers, but even more so, if they become the kind of people who seek and sustain beautiful friendships.

On my best days I believe God created us for community and knows exactly the friends we need and those who need us. I don’t think it’s ever too late to be a better one or pray a few into existence. And I think it’s possible God even delights in answering our prayers for true friends—for ourselves and our children. But it takes a lot of faith for me to believe this on my most anxious days.

I recently came across a verse in Proverbs that I’ve never noticed before. Maybe it always gets overshadowed by the more famous verses that follow it. But this one is so significant on its own, most especially as it relates to friendship and character. Tucked into the first part of Proverbs 3 are these words:

“Never let loyalty and kindness leave you! Tie them around your neck as a reminder. Write them deep within your heart.” Proverbs 3:3

The footnote at the bottom of my New Living Translation says this: “Loyalty and kindness are important character qualities. Both involve actions as well as attitudes. A loyal person acts responsibly. A kind person works for justice for others. Thoughts and words are not enough—our life reveals whether we are truly loyal and kind. Do your actions measure up to your attitudes?”

I think E.B. White’s protagonist could, of course, answer a resounding, “Yes,” to that question. But could I? Could my kids?

I want the security and blessing of friendship for my girls. But I think it starts and grows with character. So my specific prayer for us this school year is borrowed from Proverbs 3.

Never let loyalty and kindness leave you!
Tie them around your neck.
Write them deep within your heart.
And may you find favor with both God and people.

What a wonderful world it would be if we all wore loyalty and kindness around our necks. May it be so—in our schools, in our homes, and wherever life takes us this new week.