A day in the life of Barbie

When I was young I wasn’t ever really into playing Barbies. My younger sister loved Barbie and dolls of any sort, but I was content with my stuffed animals and art supplies. So, I assumed there was about a fifty percent chance my own girls would be into baby dolls, Barbie dolls, and the like. Well, as it turns out, that they’re all three very interested in this sort of stuff. And, I’m realizing that when Barbie and her friends move into a household with this many girls, they bring a ridiculous amount of luggage and tend to take over. There’s hardly a day that goes by that I don’t unwittingly step on one of her many, many shoes or accessories. I know it hurts to step on a Lego under the cover of night. But, I can assure you it hurts just as badly to step on one of Barbie’s stilettos in a dark hallway.

Rather than bemoan the fact that tiny pieces have taken over our entire house, I’ve decided to sit back and enjoy the adventures of Barbie. She’s such a fun-loving gal… and really quite creative.

And, so the following is a “day in the life” of Barbie based on a few of the many poses I’ve found her in throughout the week.

7:00 AM Barbie wakes up in her mansion only to realize she was so exhausted last night she never changed out of her evening gown or made it to her actual bed. In fact, she never even made it to the floor where her bed is located.

9:00 AM Knowing that she always feels better after a trip to the salon, Barbie decides to dye her hair blonde. Now lighter and brighter and fully recovered from her terrible night’s sleep, she happily attends her daily yoga/gymnastics class. As usual, Barbie throws modesty out the window and astounds her classmates with her flexibility.

12:00 PM Famished from her vigorous workout, Barbie sits down for a quick bite at home. Her meal of choice: pie, a wedding cake, and a carton of milk. Fortunately, her metabolism is incredibly high.

2:00 PM Barbie heads out to meet a group of friends at a local coffee shop. When she arrives and sees Ken’s brother and his fiancé, she feels slightly under-dressed. But, nearly immediately, a mermaid strikes up a friendly conversation and she forgets all about her clothing issues.

3:30 PM On her way home from the coffee shop, Barbie’s hand falls off. Though this sounds tragic, it actually doesn’t even phase Barbie because it happens to her nearly every day. And, while her plastic joints aren’t what they used to be, her hand is fully functional again within the hour.

5:00 PM In an accident that is still under investigation, Barbie breaks her arm. Now worried that perhaps she has early-onset osteoporosis, Barbie panics. But, once again, it pays to be plastic. And, after wrapping her arm in a cotton square and elevating it for an hour, she makes a full recovery. Relieved she was already dressed to meet Ken and determined not to be under-dressed for another occasion, she rushes to dinner.

7:00 PM After dinner, Barbie changes back into something more comfortable and takes Ken for a spin in her dream car. Ken, ever-ready for a good time, looks dapper with his wind-swept hairdo and a formal muscle shirt. He has ridden with Barbie long enough to know it’s better if he just sits back and lets her do the driving.

9:00 PM After her fun date, Barbie once again finds herself exhausted from a day full of activity. She would change into her pajamas, but it occurs to her that she doesn’t own pajamas. So, instead, she retires to bed in her figure skating outfit. She keeps the skates on, as well, thinking that in the case of a dream home invasion she could use the blades in self-defense. Barbie likes to be prepared for whatever comes her way.

If anything is certain, she better get a decent night’s rest because tomorrow is sure to bring more adventure.

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