Living on a prayer

I love a good snow day, but last week’s stretch of three consecutive “inclement weather” days following a holiday about did us in. We are glad to be back in school and back on something that resembles a schedule this week.

For the sake of documentation, this was us on Tuesday when the snow was fresh and the moods were pleasant:

Rosie even agreed to wear her new sherpa vest since the conditions were so frigid on Tuesday and Wednesday:

But by Thursday afternoon, boredom and bedlam had set in. Our playroom looked like a frat house after a party. Empty snack bags and half-dressed Barbies were strewn everywhere.

You know things are bad when Prince Charming has to be called in to help with the kids because the princess just can’t take anymore. Thankfully, some milder weather and some structure helped us all to reset and regroup over the weekend.

There’s nothing quite like a long stretch of days spent at home to highlight my weaknesses in parenting. Truthfully, the holiday break had already made me aware of some areas where we are struggling. One of those is in the arena of sleep. Our oldest two seem to take turns having trouble going to sleep, and the youngest one sometimes has trouble staying asleep–at least in her own bed. So, there’s often a fatigue factor that affects our interactions and our overall patience levels with each other.

But sleep issues aside, I feel like I should be getting better at parenting since I’m almost eleven years into this gig. And yet, I’m not any more confident about what I’m doing over here raising three girls than I was several years ago when I was going to a new moms groups and reading books like Babywise and Happiest Toddler on the Block.

Right now we’re in a season where our early mornings and our evenings are pretty emotionally charged. The older two are settling into their tween years, and we are beginning to see more evidence of some volatility {aka “attitude} as we enter an infamous stretch of years known for rapid physical and emotional growth. Meanwhile the spirited Kindergartener has never been lacking in energy or creativity, which presents its own set of blessings and challenges.

Knowing I need to be better prepared for the task of bringing up girls “in the way in which they should go,” I’ll read devotions and articles or listen to podcasts while they’re at school related to this stage of parenting. But no matter how much wisdom I intake, every ounce of maturity and sensibility seems to fly out the window the moment tensions escalate over homework or over matters like who left their socks in the middle of the kitchen. Too often simple requests turn into meltdowns of epic proportion. I think we misunderstand or mishear each other and tempers flare. And, conventional methods of discipline and/or redirection don’t seem to work well at all.

For the past few months I’ve been complaining to the Spouse that we need to have some unified plan of action to “fix” our parenting woes. I keep saying, “I know I’m messing this up.” He listens well. And, I do think it’s important that we discuss and consider what does or does not work well in the way we parent, discipline, and encourage each child. But, I read a quote a few years ago that I often have to go back and think about. From A Praying Life by Paul Miller:

It took me seventeen years to realize I couldn’t parent on my own. It was not a great spiritual insight, just a realistic observation. If I didn’t pray deliberately and reflectively for the members of my family by name every morning, they’d kill one another. I was incapable of getting inside their hearts… But even more, I couldn’t change my self-confident heart… As I began to pray regularly for the children, he began to work in their hearts… I did my best parenting by prayer. I began to speak less to the kids and more to God. It was actually quite relaxing.

I wish this wasn’t true. I’m naturally wired to spend my energy trying to fix myself and the things and people around me. For some reason, that kind of plan seems easier and I therefore default to it every morning. Prayer somehow feels too slow and indirect. I like action and results. Now!

It rarely occurs to me that certain facets of parenting might be hard for a reason, because God designed those specific challenges to change us… or to make us more aware of our need for him.

I wholeheartedly believe anything we can do to strengthen our parenting game is good. Books. Podcasts. Seminars. Therapy. Time together. Time apart. But maybe the thing that needs to undergird all of that is as simple as prayer. I’m hoping I’ll believe these words that I’m typing out today and do far more of it this year.

Speaking of prayer… the Kindergartener wanted to say her own prayer the other night and started out with this line:

“Thank you, Lord, for giving us sins.”

I’m pretty sure she was aiming to say, “for forgiving us our sins.” But, I suppose a miscommunicated prayer is better than no prayer at all. I just don’t think I’ll be starting many of my prayers with a time of thanksgiving for all my sins!